I will not hide to everyone that I failed the board. Maybe it was not the best time for me nor the title is not for me. Still thorn between letting go and acceptance.
It is really hard for me to accept, until now, the pain is there. I can't hide it. I tried to pretend that I am okay but its hard. Even sarili ko, niloloko ko na. I lose my confidence, my confidence, everything!
I don't understand why people are being mean to me just to push me to move on. I don't get it! People cannot understand what I am going through, they don't know how painful it is to me. If you can't handle me, then just respect it. They don't want me to be weak, to cry over and over but how can I release all the pain if even myself, I will fake every emotion that I will portray yo other people. I tried to be strong, I tried not to cry but its really heavy, its cracking my head and brain.
The pain will not go away as easy as that juat like what people are expecting from me, that once you wake up, its done! Just move on, I hope its easy! I hope it was just like that pero hindi e. I need time! Time can heal everything. I am covered with all the pain now. The pain that will lead me to crazy state of mind.
Pain is in me. The pain that I don't want to feel. The pain that will bringing me to the idea that I want to be numb.
What I a coftable to say.
