QUARTERBACK

Did you ever think that once in your life, all you want is to have a power to go back in time?? My answer is yes! How about you??

Lately, I am in pain I can’t deny that. That’s when it cross my mind if I could just go back where you don’t have any responsibilities at all.

Please bring me back during my high school days wherein I was surrounded with my friends that I used to call Palengsz. Those times that our problems were the exams and quizzes that need to be passed.  We just hang out, live the life we want to be and like we didn’t care what other people sees us, enjoy every moment with a strum of a guitar, sway of your body to dance, drink like there was no tomorrow, run like kids, eat like we didn’t care about our figure, fall in love with no commitment though, joined organizations and even cat fights with the younger ones. IN SHORT WE DIDN’T CARE AT ALL.

At our age now, you have responsibilities to comply with, problems that the only choice you have is to face it, and those broken that you can’t find any cure to heal.

'Lollipops turn into cigarettes, the innocent one turns into sluts, homework goes in the trash, detention becomes suspension, mobile phones are used in class. Soda becomes vodka, bikes becomes cars, kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground? When protection meant wearing helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up.'

Sometimes, looking back the past won't help you to grow up, but sometimes, looking back would help you to ease the pain that you are suffering. It can give smiles and reminisce how you became stupid and vulnerable to other things. Without those, you cannot achieve on what you are right now. Past will mold you as a better person.

Some people may leave but most of them will stay and worth to treasure.

What Do You See?

While most of us, start the new year right, mine is a totally disaster! My year started with an issue, an issue made by my ex-boyfriend who was not happen to be a real boyfriend. (Hard to explain why)

He concluded that I and his relative is in a relationship. O my god! since when? And one thing that i should be shocked was, why him? He must be the one who will not make those issue because he knows me very well. Almost everyone knows that I am one of the boys, why I was also teased by my cousins that I am lesbian. I do love hanging out with guys rather than girls for so many reasons. And may be the root of it is, I am the only girl in the family. I grew up surrounded by my two brothers playing play stations and typical games for boys.

I met his relative because of him, when he stayed at their house and they invited me to go there. It was also when we started to make our own friendship. We shared opinions, advices, thoughts, texts, memories and we also have our food trips. I was the one who also lifting his spirits to win his girl back. Every time we are going somewhere, it was really just a hangout with friends. We also make sure its not only the two of us, there were no time ever that you can think that we are in a relationship because, we didn't make any actions or moves that will make people think that we are.

Maybe we are too close to call us friends, we are just really enjoying those moments, we can say that we are comfortable with each other even that it was just a short span of time since we met. Tbh, we are teasing each other that what if like that, like that, and we are telling that we are falling but the truth is, its not! He is still in a relationship and I don't have plan to be with him as well.

Friendship matters most than being in a relationship.

It doesn't mean that because I ended my relationship with his relative, we also end our friendship.


AN: I haven't check my grammar yet so please bear with me when you notice that there is something wrong in my vocab.

Start Over??

I really can't hide how painful it was to lose a friend like him.

The other day, I went home to our Province so that I can attend his last night (A traditional nites of a Filipino Funeral wherein there was sounds, music, foods.etc) I forced my parents to permit me to do so, I really have a lot of regrets when he's still alive and I don't want that until his wake, I can't show my love for him. Even that I still have sore throats and lessons to study for my exams next week, I am willing to sacrifice just for him. It doesn't matter anymore if I was physically and emotionally wasted, all I want is to see him.

Yesterday, we already sent him where everyone would have to build their own room, at the cemetery. I also introduced myself to his mother, his girlfriend and and even his close friends. Almost all of them heard about our stories, about me, about my cousins as well. O yea, he's really talkative because all of them knew about or friendship.

I tried to gain strength and a little courage so that, I want to show him that I am happy for him but when you already there, walking, taking pictures and seeing him on one last glance, its really heart breaking. I didn't control myself to show how painful it was. I was also affected by the reason that my cousins were not here to give support to each of us that is also suffering for his loss. I didn't have a chance to see his closest and best friends (Kuya Joseph, Joel and his cousin Kuya Archie) on the cemetery, maybe they just didn't want to send him in that situation. I also had a chance to meet them even his Laguna friends.

Don't worry my dear, we will try our best to smile again. You are the one that will make hard situations into lighter one and we will continue to inspire each other all the learnings that you brought to us.

Be an angel to us. You will always be in my heart. Friends forever!!!!!

Getting There

There's nothing to hide about that until now, its really hard for me to accept that my friend is now gone. I became on a realization that almost all of our last conversation - thru texts, call and even FB messaging, in the end I didn't gave him so much time to answer all his messages. That's one thing that I should be regret of. And all of those times, I was really busy. I am busy studying, looking for OJT and I was eating. If I could turn back time but I don't have the capability to do it. Please forgive me Nasnip. :(

Here's my playlist that is really helping me to feel relax and believing that in time, I can feel better.

Season's of Love - Glee Cover (Quarterback)

If I Die Young - Glee Cover (Quarterback)

Gone too Soon - Simple Plan

Let it Go - Demi Lovato

Salamat - The Dawn

And some of his favorite songs/Bands:

Your Call - Secondhand Serenade

Goodbye - Secondhand Serenade

Will You Ever Learn - Type Cast

Last Time - Type Cast

Hanggang sa muling tugtugan kaibigan! Rock in heaven! 

You May Now Rest

1:15 AM, Tuesday, when my clock stop, my heart beats faster, my mind cannot absorb things and my body cannot move and embraces with coldness. In short, my world stops.

I was about to sleep when my brother told me the sad news, “Ate patay na si Kuya Rangie?,” he showed me those posts confirming that my Nasnip is gone. He passed away exactly 4:20 PM, Monday, on their way home to Asingan. He was about to go home even he was in Coma, to feel that he was already home but on his way, he gave up.

Sometimes, life is unfair. When you’re not yet ready, that’s the time that it will happen.

My reaction was, “What? Why?” I can’t move where I am standing, I feel cold and shaking.  

 I’ll be missing those times that we’re going to plaza, teasing me because I am not that brave enough to ride Octopus or Ferris Wheel, when we were spending time at Country Side Resort, in front of the Store of Mommy Jing, singing and teasing each other. Nasnip, I am still waiting for your call, I’m sick, call I’m angry. That’s your favourite song, right? Yea, I am still listening to your voice. Do you still remember that your pairing us to Witwit?? Hindi ka maarte, sadyang napakakalog! Napakakulit at ung mga jokes mong waley! Hahaha. 

I really have an idea what’s going on, that he underwent in an operation last year in Saudi and he had been comatose for more than a month I think, I should still be thankful because he had given a chance to go home, we had our chance to bond, share thoughts, smiles, joy and stories. I thought, he was totally fine, I don’t know that his sickness (Meningitis) is not that simple. My friend and nasnip, you fought so hard for your second life, its really hard to accept that you’re gone now, you’re at peace, you’re with Him. Wala ka ng dapat ikabahala, na nahihiya ka, kasi namromroblema sila Mama mo kung san kukuha ng panggamot mo, utang na loob ng mga taong tumulong sayo, it’s about time to relax. Just guide us please, give us strength para malagpasan namin to.

You will realize how important he is, when he’s already gone.

 Its our third day of grieving Nasnip. I was scanning my phone when i realized, you called last month and I am really busy so we didn't have much time to talk. Then early September, you texted me saying "Nasnip, musta? sobrang busy ka ata. Pag may time ka, dalaw ka dito Laguna, dami ng rambutan at lansones." Nasnip, di ko alam na un na ung mga lasts. :(

Superb Break

This semestral break is one of the most exciting, unforgettable vacation so far. Here's the reason why:

1. Night outs

This time, I know what the feeling of spending nights at Urdaneta City is. Those 3 nights were all unexpected and unforgettable. The first night was I'm with Aladdin and Joan (my elementary friends) thru motorbike. Yea, we were too brave para pumunta ng City at the middle of the night.

The second one, I am with the two buddies. Kuya Arvin (my Guitar and Photography tutor) and my new friend, Joel (our new and young kagawad) and also Joan again (Sinama namin sya para may girl at payagan ako), we had our whole body massage. That was my first time and almost the whole time, all I did was to scream dahil nakikiliti ako. So funny! Right?

Last, connected to the next reasons

2. Joy Ride

After Bistro, where we had our 2 bucket drinks, I assumed that we are really going home but what I didn't expect was, Charmaine decided to give 400 just for the gasoline and we will go to San Fabian beach at the middle of the night? So what do you think of it? Another 'rebellious and wild' thing!!!! That was totally crazy! 5 girls and 1 boy (I, Charmaine, Alona, Joan, Japan and Tigor)

3. Coffee Break

Finally, I experienced the taste of Silver Spoon Cafe located at Urdaneta City. We just had drinks and unending sharing of stories with Joan and Aladdin. Joan was trying to build up again my relationship with Aladdin, but I'm sorry girl, wala ng maibabalik. We were done!

4. Brgy. Election/Reunion

It was a Brgy. Election, but we took advantage of it to have our reunion inside our former school. Usual thing, we gathered our elementary classmates and talk and talk and talk! We also had our Truth or Dare game lead by Aladdin ( He's not our classmate, nakikisali lang, just kidding!) And, again, they asked me who my first kiss is, it took a while before I can answer 'coz I can't really remember.

Note: Sorry, I can't provide pictures because the phone that we used was lost. 

Winding Up

As part of our relax mode after the month-long review and exams, we had decided to celebrate the birthday of our friend Abbey at the UP Diliman. The original plan was, we will see each other by 10 AM but as usual, there were a lot of delays. We went there without any plans what should we do and where should we go.

Since, we didn't have our lunch yet, o my G! we spent almost 2 hours just by looking and finding where should we eat. While we were walking, I red the sign board of Cool Beans Cafe (Food and Books), we went inside and our yes were amazed, as in big wow. So we had decided that we can have our lunch there.

This Cafe offers hot and cold coffees, juice drinks, cupcakes and paninis. Unfortunately, I didn't tried it because I am still full after our lunch. They also offered rice meals like what we ate. While in their mini library, you can read about Philippine History, Novels like from Paulo Coelho and George Martin, Mythologies, Photography, Archie's, Pugad Baboy, national Geographic Magazines and many many many more.

Fried Chicken

Fried Chicken Afritada (This is mine!)

Owww. I'm sorry, I don't remember what is it. :(

with the birthday celebrant and my super duper close friend, Abbey

Different design and sizes of picture frames and mirrors. One wall clock at the center to balance the interior

Mini library

National Geographic Magazines

I was reading about photography

I had so much fun reading and eating. Everyone must try and visit their cafe. And definitely, you will enjoy it. I swear tho they have not that good service when it comes to rice meals. They cooked a little bit slow. Peace!

The "Reunion"

Coz I am not on the mood to study and review maybe because I am also bad trip, yesterday, I came up with the plan that I should visit my former apartment mates after I attended the mass at St. Jude. We had our dinner and we watched the movie Wanted led by Angelina Jolie, I didn't know who are the other characters there. Anyway, we definitely miss each other. We shared an unending laugh trips,  story telling and a lot more, of course, it will not be complete when we don't fool each other. So funny also to hear again how we fight because of TV Shows, who will do the household chores and decide what food that we should eat. We also talked our love lives, our families, and our education as well.

In the God's praise, Charmaine, Jb and my brother will be graduating this academic year while Jy, the youngest will be graduating next academic year. 

Photos below were taken last 2011 while we were having our pizza time. The pizza was sponsored by the boyfriend of Charmaine, Ced. 

The boys: (L-R) Joh Yhor, John Bong and Reymark
The girls: April and Charmaine

Friend being inlove with his Bestfriend

This time, hindi ko nafeel that one of my closest friends is in love with our common friend. As in, I am so shocked when I heard and red about his feelings. I don't know what to say, I don't know how should I react. 

I felt a little awkward 'coz theres a lot of assumptions, conclusions. I thought there was nothing, I thought i ts just a matter of friendship and I know that they are close enough.

Binalikan ko tuloy lahat ng nangyari if I said something negative about the girl, yea maybe. And I am sorry for that. If I just know that earlier, sana hindi na ko nagopen sayo. But I hope, someday, he will open up to me, not in a way that I am just relying on social media, on speculations. I hope he will forgive me about what I said about the girl. I was mad that time, bugso lang po ng damdamin.

Love Desserts

While our schoolmates having their first day of school, me and my friends Bitches

went to Love Desserts at Banawe, Manila. We started the school year with a very sweet life.

I just copied all the pictures from my friend 'coz I wasn't able to bring my cam that day.

Cakes

 Tacos, Mango, Fruit salad etc

 Crepe Section, for the filling you may choose between Apple, Blueberry, Strawberry and Banana

 For the kids and also for the adults. The blue one, is the ice cream area.

 Graham Cake, Brownies, Cookies, Empanada and Champorado

For only 199, you may enjoy their unlimited desserts for 2 hours.

Photo Credits: Abbey Giongco

Love Fools.

I’ve cried once but it happens again with the same man.

This time, it is a little bit complicated. We were in a relationship when we were high school, way back year 2008, now we’re in college and he tried so many times to court me. I pushed him away many times, ‘coz the truth is, it took me a very long time before I finally move on. Last Feb, I’ve decided to accept him again, not for a reason than I only force myself just to have boyfriend but for the unexpected events, it didn’t work.

Almost all the time he texted me, he always asked about the girl which happens to be my friend, one of my closest friend. For that, I feel so angry, why he needed to text me for that, why he didn’t text the girl, right?? When I confronted him, he told me that he only makes me jealous. The F! Then, pinalipas ko muna. We don’t have consistent communication, ‘coz we know that we were both busy. One time, he asked me on a date I guess, I also asked for my mum’s permission but because of his thesis, it didn’t happen then I found out that, that date would be, we were with the girl. I also heard that they were exchanging texts and even calls more usual than mine. Again, nagpakabulag ako.

Then last May, someone give me a hint about the two going out. I opened the tumblr account of the girl, I was so shocked. She didn’t mention the name of the guy but the description pointed to only one and yes, they dated. For them maybe, it was just only a friendly date but the way I see it, it was not. They watched Iron Man, ate at Tokyo Tokyo and he gave ferrero for the girl, and she gave two pieces to me without any idea that it was from my Ex-boyfriend and current suitor, if I didn’t opened her account, hindi ko pa malalaman.

I let him go, I didn’t opened this to the girl that I already knew though she knew about the courtship thing between me and the guy. Yes, I admitted, I pushed the guy saying that I am inlove with other guy but it was just to hide that I am hurt between him and my friend, I only used my guy to show that I am okay, that I am fine when he will make his decision to leave me.

If there would be the most stupid girl, that would be me! I told to my friends that I avoided his text and yet, I lied to them.

Recently, the guy texted me asking for my help. He wants to know why the girl avoiding him. She’s not answering his texts and calls. Then I texted the girl, yea I know, I am so stupid. She replied me and it sounds negative and there is something that comes in my mind that I am involved to this issue. Don’t have the plan to text the guy what my friend replied me because I don’t him to be hurt. Eventually, kakakulit ng guy, I quoted the text of the girl. And he told me that he loves her, he cannot accept if this girl would leave him. She is his saviour and he really loves her. She’s the only girl that can understand him. It hurts me, why? ‘Coz pinamukha niya sakin that’s I was the one who pushed him for that girl, all I did was to hurt him. It’s the time to move on and he asked me my help to win her back.

I already texted the girl that I know everything about her tumblr, their date and she apologized to me and told me that she likes him but not up to the point that she can love him back.

I am not on the position to be a hindrance with their relationship, they have their own decisions. I am here to accept and respect whatever they want. In time, everything will be okay. It was just a part of growing up and our past.

Tho, I pushed him many times. It would never be right to use that reason why you are now inlove with my friend. I can accept the fact that he may now love with my friend if he didn’t asked me to accept him again and if from the start, my friend and the guy told me everything, they told me that they were going out for a “date”. I asked the guy many times, it was just a friend but now, how can you explain that now your inlove with her.

May mga kasalanan ako at pagkukulang sa mga minamahal kong tao, may mga bagay na hindi ko maibigay na binibigay ng iba sayo, but don’t use it to me as reasons why you need to find another girl dahil ikaw din. Nasaktan na naman ako dahil minahal ko ung guy and I trust the girl. This situation,I will not put all the blame to them 

‘coz I myself also did things that will hurt me.

I am the one who push the guy many times and now, it’s time for him to be happy.

Hindi po kasakiman ang magparaya at magmahal.

Not yet end.

We first met during our first year in our university,

we came from Section AC09106 during the 1st semester but when the second term came,

we didn't have a choice but to be away with our friends that we started on and despite of it,

we build a new one, with a new member. Tho we didn't expect it that

it will happen. 

In our second sem, we were belong to AC09114. And we have our new friend,

her name is Haezellene Mae Lagonera. As the time goes by,

Haezel decided to make a name for our group and that is FAM12.

And to tell you frankly, Mark and I would not understand where it came from.

We continued our friendship 'til second year when our institute, the IABF decided to have a Resectioning in our batch and that would be a hard time for us because we will be separated to each other.

And still we survived!

Suddenly, a verdict comes in! We had our "Battery Test" last March 2011,

and not all of us were fortunate to pass the exam to qualify and continue the BSA Program.

Only me and Claire left in the said program, while Haezel transferred to another school. On the other hand, Jelly, Kat, Keith, Mark and Mich shifted to Internal Auditing.

We admit, there would be changes but still, we find ways to have time to each other. Every one of us may have a circle of friends inside the classroom but we know the fact that, there is still FAM12 that will never fade even the time passes by. And now that they will be graduating with their chosen career.

I played a role as their mom, and now I can't describe how I am grateful to them. I am so happy and proud that they will be graduating with flying colors. Someday, we will meet again. You don't know, on that time,

we are successful with our careers. Without you, my college life iis incomplete.

Just like the famous line with the students,

Gagraduate tayo, hindi nga lang sabay-sabay.

No Goodbyes.

Last Saturday, March 9 was sad evening for me 'cause it was the time that I will say goodbye to a friend. There's nothing new about saying goodbye 'cause I grew up living a life without my parents and my bro who are working abroad and lot of times that friends leave me also for different reasons. But someone who are very close in my heart, the one who I opened my family problems, my dreams and my personal issues as well leave me just to work abroad. He will be working in Dubai for three years with his brother. At first, I can't accept it, but who am I to be a hindrance of his dreams? I don't have right for that so what can I only do for him is to accept it and be happy for him. I will share some photos of that night. I just really love him and I will miss him really.

 We just gave him a cake and a card

(sorry but I can't provide a picture of the card)

A group who are all Ilocanos except Dave Villaluna from AU. We met him thru Dennis Coloma who are now taking his career in Pangasinan. This group was made last 2010 thru common friends, 'til such time that every time we meet, there is someone who brings a new one. On that day, Ruben Apelacio, an Ilocano also was our new friendship. I'm also sorry 'cause he was the one taking our picture.

Photo Credits:

Ruben Apelacio

Friendship Over or Friendship Revenge??

What will you feel when you heard from your close friend that your friends or should I say your friends before are talking behind your back? Does it hurt? 'Coz for me, it really does. I can't avoid to feel angry to them. I opened to them a lot about my feelings, about my life like the usual friendship. But because of one incident, everything change. They make conclusions behind your back because of their _____ attitude. They should know what are the things that you are capable of and not. But the thing is, they are the one who judge you. I feel so much affected because of the fact that when I have a friend, tho we didn't have so much time for each other because we have our own lives, our own circle of friends,

I really treasure them.

Sometimes the people that you think will fight for you and you have their trust and otherwise will become your enemy. they are the one who will be against to you.

Next time, I should know those persons that I should trust before giving a slot or space in my heart. It will take time to accept everything. It brings me so much hurt rather than breaking up with your boyfriend.

Sorry for myself, once again I failed. Is it the product of FRIENDSHIP that becomes FRIENEMIES??

A little time with the B's

In the evening, our first set of activities were to play Uno Cards, Playing Cards (Bluff) taught by Jayzar and also the 1-2-3-Pass. But the event that we didn't expect was to make a RESEARCH PAPER for our Accounting Research Subject. Yet we know the fact that we should do it, but the original plan was to hang out, just play and have fun. We didn't enjoy as much 'cause we were also tired from school and still, we were still awake 'til 2am.

And we were still preserve our energy and we still played Monopoly in the morning while we were having our breakfast. And some bluff again. After that, we were pointing each other who will be the first to take a bath that's why we played bluff again.

After the overnight, we continued our plan and that was to have a lunch in SM North and watch the movie "Life of Pi."
For the late celebration of Vevien's Birthday, we had our lunch at Kangaroo Jack Resto in SM North and we gave her Harry Potter Book One. After that, we watched movie and we didn't regret it 'cause it was very good movie. Frankly, during the first part I got bored, I don't know what to expect, what is the cycle of the story and the actor named Pi explained where his name came from etc. Next after that, the story going to be funny due to the animal characters there and indeed, the movie taught us a lot esp how to survive in an unexpected event and how to be patient and don't loose hope. PATIENCE..

And one of the unforgettable quote there is..
"I suppose in the end,the whole of life becomes an act of letting go,but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye."