Reliever

I love kids!

Before, I admit, I don't want to be surrounded with kids, I am so irritated until my cousin, Annzie got pregnant and decided to transfer and stay in our province. And my nephew, Kent Andrei was born and he just turned 7 last November.

Last holiday season, we slept in one room. Since the day I came home, he wants to be with me every night, he couldn't sleep until I didn't sleep beside him. Like mother and son relationship, if you can just figure out. You know! Now that, I am back here in Manila, I miss talking to him every night. He even asked me about my love life, I didn't know where that idea came from but I am so amazed with the new generation now, he is becoming matured now. Unfortunately, my love life didn't go well so we need to cut that off.

Next one, my nephew, her name is Kacy Andrea (4yo). Every time she wakes up in the morning, she makes sure that we (referring to me and her brother, Kent) were in the other room and giggles with us. Since I have a blurred vision and every time we wakes up and she notices that I am not wearing my eyeglasses, she always asked me if I can see her,and then she will find it and put it on my face. How sweet they are!!!

I miss playing games and eating with them in the middle of the night.

Busy eating and watching Karate Kid, movie that made him cry that night

She told me, "Tita picture tayo at kiss kita" (Tita let's take a picture and I will kiss you)

I can't help it! :(

Getting Harder

As long as I try to believe myself that I am okay, the pain is getting harder to hide.

Okay, after all, I tried to be in a relationship but it didn't work I think. If you are reading my posts before, I am referring to the same guy. Again and again! My high school love. Lol

After 5 years being in a college, those suitors, trying to meet other boys but in the end, he was the one that I chose. I decided to be with him even my father doesn't want to, because I still like him, okay its not just like but I do love him.

After months, we were happy, or I was just the one who were happy. Before and after board, he didn't called or texted, okay, okay, yes but it can count on fingers on how many times. Its been 4 months now since then, and yet, no efforts at all. He asked me for a space, I gave it. Now I want breakup but he didn't agree, com'on!!! What are you doing? Holding me so that when you are alone, you still have me. Gahd! Im tired of waiting, tired of believing myself that you will come back coz I can't bear this pain now!

I fall in love once but the pain is killing me.

I wish, he feel this way!

This is really me! Lol. 

If I Could

I have a simple wish on my graduation. A wish that I thought it will happen but again, I disappointed myself with my own expectations. I really worked hard because I want that just once, I can say that we are family.

I thought that when my bro and I graduated together this year, our parents will come home but what I have heard earlier, my mom already backed out. She's not going home, in short, I cannot be with my parents on my Graduation Day. Now I know what my younger bro felt when he graduated elementary without Mama or Papa either. I pictured out that I will receive my diploma in front of them, but its not happening anymore. It will just my father. I am happy to be with my father but I worked hard for the last two semesters aiming to be with them both, not just one of them! I want to feel angry or even hatred but how can I be selfish if the one that is sacrificed is her health, her life. She's not going home because she needs to undergo a therapy. Why should I asked first about my own happiness if her health is at stake. Why shoud I think first of myself?

Sometimes I wanna blame God, why He let us to feel this, Why is this happening? Why now? but who am I to questioned him?? Who am I to blame him? Yet, I can't! 

Coz at some point in my life, I also feel that I am not happy anymore. I wanna go into a place that no one knows about me, that I don't need to think of what, why, who and how. I don't need to care other's feelings, other's opinions or how other's sees me as a person. I am tired of being judged by others.

Its really heartbreaking because all I want is to have a one day experience to have parents! On the 21st of April, I don't need material things but to feel my parents embrace and kisses. Just two days! On the 21st and on the 23rd (my bro's graduation). But it will not be happening! I need to accept the fact that sometimes, no matter how you try, it will never be yours. If you can just be a selfish one. 

If I can only have a power to heal my mum, to takeover her illness, or to travel to Italy without compromising others. I am also eager to be with them, to be with my parents and my older brother. I really miss them, I counted years, and

how many years should I wait for until this wish will come true?

This is just a simple wish of a daughter, a sister, a student and as a person.

A/N: I apologize for the wrong grammar and vocabulary. I am writingthis while I am crying.

Hardwork, Faith and Perseverance

From the different phrases that can describe how tough the last two semesters in our College life was, to the different faces of mine.

Our last 2 semesters were very hard and tough. A battle that we can't really imagine how can we pass it, and finally mission accomplished.

Our university library. Break time, vacant day, rest day - where BS Accountancy students spend their time most of the time. As an evidence, most of the librarian knew about us.

Yours truly, Mega and Roseanne (L-R) A day before Auditing Problem Midterm Examinations. Mega was already tired because we started from 12AM-11PM.

I tried to explain to my friend how the problem was solved. But I think, I am not an effective tutor that's why, I don't want to be in the academe area.

I am struggling to Tax that's why even I am really tired, I keep on solving and memorizing. I want to be a lawyer but Tax doesn't love me, huhuhu :(

Aud Probs forever.....

Blithe

Last 21st of this month was one of the most unforgettable moment as a student, daughter and a sister. The moment that I saw my student portal in the University Website. If you're reading my personal posts, you know what I mean. (I need to undergo what do we call "Removals" so that I can pass all my subjects from the last semester.) I can say that I am really blessed, it was really important to me 'coz I can say that I am halfway there(Graduation). Thank you so much Lord!

And because I am so happy, together with my mini-celebration, my brother and I celebrated also our father's birthday. My brother, being a HRM student knows the best so I said that he should be the one to decide where and what to eat. But we don't have the same metabolism so I was the one who gave up.

My brother ordered Roast beef, this one is a Subway Club, that's my order and their best seller.

My brother is really good at using Chopsticks, even rice, he can do it. Sorry for me, I am a kinda jealous. :(

Tempura Basket.

Ramen, but because I am full, I gave the half to my brother.

I am sorry guys, I really love eating but this time, shame on me coz I am not good in using chopsticks.. If you are looking for a Japanese food that is not really expensive but the taste was not compromise, I can advise you to visit Yoshinoya.

And to cool down the evening, we dropped by to Starbucks Coffee Shop to have a drinks. Hot and cold way to end the day.

What Do You See?

While most of us, start the new year right, mine is a totally disaster! My year started with an issue, an issue made by my ex-boyfriend who was not happen to be a real boyfriend. (Hard to explain why)

He concluded that I and his relative is in a relationship. O my god! since when? And one thing that i should be shocked was, why him? He must be the one who will not make those issue because he knows me very well. Almost everyone knows that I am one of the boys, why I was also teased by my cousins that I am lesbian. I do love hanging out with guys rather than girls for so many reasons. And may be the root of it is, I am the only girl in the family. I grew up surrounded by my two brothers playing play stations and typical games for boys.

I met his relative because of him, when he stayed at their house and they invited me to go there. It was also when we started to make our own friendship. We shared opinions, advices, thoughts, texts, memories and we also have our food trips. I was the one who also lifting his spirits to win his girl back. Every time we are going somewhere, it was really just a hangout with friends. We also make sure its not only the two of us, there were no time ever that you can think that we are in a relationship because, we didn't make any actions or moves that will make people think that we are.

Maybe we are too close to call us friends, we are just really enjoying those moments, we can say that we are comfortable with each other even that it was just a short span of time since we met. Tbh, we are teasing each other that what if like that, like that, and we are telling that we are falling but the truth is, its not! He is still in a relationship and I don't have plan to be with him as well.

Friendship matters most than being in a relationship.

It doesn't mean that because I ended my relationship with his relative, we also end our friendship.


AN: I haven't check my grammar yet so please bear with me when you notice that there is something wrong in my vocab.

Start Over??

I really can't hide how painful it was to lose a friend like him.

The other day, I went home to our Province so that I can attend his last night (A traditional nites of a Filipino Funeral wherein there was sounds, music, foods.etc) I forced my parents to permit me to do so, I really have a lot of regrets when he's still alive and I don't want that until his wake, I can't show my love for him. Even that I still have sore throats and lessons to study for my exams next week, I am willing to sacrifice just for him. It doesn't matter anymore if I was physically and emotionally wasted, all I want is to see him.

Yesterday, we already sent him where everyone would have to build their own room, at the cemetery. I also introduced myself to his mother, his girlfriend and and even his close friends. Almost all of them heard about our stories, about me, about my cousins as well. O yea, he's really talkative because all of them knew about or friendship.

I tried to gain strength and a little courage so that, I want to show him that I am happy for him but when you already there, walking, taking pictures and seeing him on one last glance, its really heart breaking. I didn't control myself to show how painful it was. I was also affected by the reason that my cousins were not here to give support to each of us that is also suffering for his loss. I didn't have a chance to see his closest and best friends (Kuya Joseph, Joel and his cousin Kuya Archie) on the cemetery, maybe they just didn't want to send him in that situation. I also had a chance to meet them even his Laguna friends.

Don't worry my dear, we will try our best to smile again. You are the one that will make hard situations into lighter one and we will continue to inspire each other all the learnings that you brought to us.

Be an angel to us. You will always be in my heart. Friends forever!!!!!

Getting There

There's nothing to hide about that until now, its really hard for me to accept that my friend is now gone. I became on a realization that almost all of our last conversation - thru texts, call and even FB messaging, in the end I didn't gave him so much time to answer all his messages. That's one thing that I should be regret of. And all of those times, I was really busy. I am busy studying, looking for OJT and I was eating. If I could turn back time but I don't have the capability to do it. Please forgive me Nasnip. :(

Here's my playlist that is really helping me to feel relax and believing that in time, I can feel better.

Season's of Love - Glee Cover (Quarterback)

If I Die Young - Glee Cover (Quarterback)

Gone too Soon - Simple Plan

Let it Go - Demi Lovato

Salamat - The Dawn

And some of his favorite songs/Bands:

Your Call - Secondhand Serenade

Goodbye - Secondhand Serenade

Will You Ever Learn - Type Cast

Last Time - Type Cast

Hanggang sa muling tugtugan kaibigan! Rock in heaven! 

You May Now Rest

1:15 AM, Tuesday, when my clock stop, my heart beats faster, my mind cannot absorb things and my body cannot move and embraces with coldness. In short, my world stops.

I was about to sleep when my brother told me the sad news, “Ate patay na si Kuya Rangie?,” he showed me those posts confirming that my Nasnip is gone. He passed away exactly 4:20 PM, Monday, on their way home to Asingan. He was about to go home even he was in Coma, to feel that he was already home but on his way, he gave up.

Sometimes, life is unfair. When you’re not yet ready, that’s the time that it will happen.

My reaction was, “What? Why?” I can’t move where I am standing, I feel cold and shaking.  

 I’ll be missing those times that we’re going to plaza, teasing me because I am not that brave enough to ride Octopus or Ferris Wheel, when we were spending time at Country Side Resort, in front of the Store of Mommy Jing, singing and teasing each other. Nasnip, I am still waiting for your call, I’m sick, call I’m angry. That’s your favourite song, right? Yea, I am still listening to your voice. Do you still remember that your pairing us to Witwit?? Hindi ka maarte, sadyang napakakalog! Napakakulit at ung mga jokes mong waley! Hahaha. 

I really have an idea what’s going on, that he underwent in an operation last year in Saudi and he had been comatose for more than a month I think, I should still be thankful because he had given a chance to go home, we had our chance to bond, share thoughts, smiles, joy and stories. I thought, he was totally fine, I don’t know that his sickness (Meningitis) is not that simple. My friend and nasnip, you fought so hard for your second life, its really hard to accept that you’re gone now, you’re at peace, you’re with Him. Wala ka ng dapat ikabahala, na nahihiya ka, kasi namromroblema sila Mama mo kung san kukuha ng panggamot mo, utang na loob ng mga taong tumulong sayo, it’s about time to relax. Just guide us please, give us strength para malagpasan namin to.

You will realize how important he is, when he’s already gone.

 Its our third day of grieving Nasnip. I was scanning my phone when i realized, you called last month and I am really busy so we didn't have much time to talk. Then early September, you texted me saying "Nasnip, musta? sobrang busy ka ata. Pag may time ka, dalaw ka dito Laguna, dami ng rambutan at lansones." Nasnip, di ko alam na un na ung mga lasts. :(

Superb Break

This semestral break is one of the most exciting, unforgettable vacation so far. Here's the reason why:

1. Night outs

This time, I know what the feeling of spending nights at Urdaneta City is. Those 3 nights were all unexpected and unforgettable. The first night was I'm with Aladdin and Joan (my elementary friends) thru motorbike. Yea, we were too brave para pumunta ng City at the middle of the night.

The second one, I am with the two buddies. Kuya Arvin (my Guitar and Photography tutor) and my new friend, Joel (our new and young kagawad) and also Joan again (Sinama namin sya para may girl at payagan ako), we had our whole body massage. That was my first time and almost the whole time, all I did was to scream dahil nakikiliti ako. So funny! Right?

Last, connected to the next reasons

2. Joy Ride

After Bistro, where we had our 2 bucket drinks, I assumed that we are really going home but what I didn't expect was, Charmaine decided to give 400 just for the gasoline and we will go to San Fabian beach at the middle of the night? So what do you think of it? Another 'rebellious and wild' thing!!!! That was totally crazy! 5 girls and 1 boy (I, Charmaine, Alona, Joan, Japan and Tigor)

3. Coffee Break

Finally, I experienced the taste of Silver Spoon Cafe located at Urdaneta City. We just had drinks and unending sharing of stories with Joan and Aladdin. Joan was trying to build up again my relationship with Aladdin, but I'm sorry girl, wala ng maibabalik. We were done!

4. Brgy. Election/Reunion

It was a Brgy. Election, but we took advantage of it to have our reunion inside our former school. Usual thing, we gathered our elementary classmates and talk and talk and talk! We also had our Truth or Dare game lead by Aladdin ( He's not our classmate, nakikisali lang, just kidding!) And, again, they asked me who my first kiss is, it took a while before I can answer 'coz I can't really remember.

Note: Sorry, I can't provide pictures because the phone that we used was lost.