If I Could

I have a simple wish on my graduation. A wish that I thought it will happen but again, I disappointed myself with my own expectations. I really worked hard because I want that just once, I can say that we are family.

I thought that when my bro and I graduated together this year, our parents will come home but what I have heard earlier, my mom already backed out. She's not going home, in short, I cannot be with my parents on my Graduation Day. Now I know what my younger bro felt when he graduated elementary without Mama or Papa either. I pictured out that I will receive my diploma in front of them, but its not happening anymore. It will just my father. I am happy to be with my father but I worked hard for the last two semesters aiming to be with them both, not just one of them! I want to feel angry or even hatred but how can I be selfish if the one that is sacrificed is her health, her life. She's not going home because she needs to undergo a therapy. Why should I asked first about my own happiness if her health is at stake. Why shoud I think first of myself?

Sometimes I wanna blame God, why He let us to feel this, Why is this happening? Why now? but who am I to questioned him?? Who am I to blame him? Yet, I can't! 

Coz at some point in my life, I also feel that I am not happy anymore. I wanna go into a place that no one knows about me, that I don't need to think of what, why, who and how. I don't need to care other's feelings, other's opinions or how other's sees me as a person. I am tired of being judged by others.

Its really heartbreaking because all I want is to have a one day experience to have parents! On the 21st of April, I don't need material things but to feel my parents embrace and kisses. Just two days! On the 21st and on the 23rd (my bro's graduation). But it will not be happening! I need to accept the fact that sometimes, no matter how you try, it will never be yours. If you can just be a selfish one. 

If I can only have a power to heal my mum, to takeover her illness, or to travel to Italy without compromising others. I am also eager to be with them, to be with my parents and my older brother. I really miss them, I counted years, and

how many years should I wait for until this wish will come true?

This is just a simple wish of a daughter, a sister, a student and as a person.

A/N: I apologize for the wrong grammar and vocabulary. I am writingthis while I am crying.